By Cindi Sansone-Braff
No doubt, for better or worse, internet dating is here to stay. If you’ve been on these sites for a while now, these six types of losers and lowlifes to watch out for won’t come as a shock to you, since you’ve probably encountered many, if not all of them, yourself.
Getting jaded and thinking all men suck isn’t the answer.
Throwing away your rose-colored glasses is all you really need to do to avoid getting your heart ripped out, or your bank account emptied.
As for those of you who’ve just posted a profile on one of the dating sites for the first time or for the first time in a long time, you’ll be amazed just how many guys will express immediate interest in you; unfortunately, a high percentage of these guys will be predators, pretenders, and parasites, and they all know that the new girl on the block is easy prey.
Interestingly enough, according to Statistic Brain, only one-out-of-five-committed relationships started from online dating.
These odds seem pretty low to me and reveal that a lot of people on these sites really aren’t looking for a committed relationship at all, but are merely looking for a hook-up, a diversion, or a sucker to rip off. So don’t go into the internet dating arena thinking that everyone is just like you and looking for true love.
Here are 6 losers to look out for online:
1. The catfisher
He wants to pull the wool over your eyes and lure you into a relationship for his own self-serving reasons.
2. The scam artist
He wants your wallet.
3. The player
He wants another notch on his belt.
4. The commitment-phobe
He doesn’t know what he wants from you.
5. The married man
He wants his cake and to eat it too.
6. The knight in shining armor
He wants you to believe that he is the answer to your prayers, and later on, you find out that he’s your worst nightmare come true.
OK, great you’re thinking — now that the manipulators and phonies have labels, what’s a girl supposed to do? For one thing, you don’t need to get all paranoid and leave the online dating scene. You just need to wise up and watch out for the red flags along the way.
Listed below are nine simple red flags to watch out for. If you stay on dating sites long enough, I’m sure you’ll come up with another ninety-nine red flags of your own.
Here are 9 ways to spot these losers:
1. He tells you everything you want to hear
He says things such as: “I’m looking for a lasting relationship;” “I’ve never felt this kind of connection before;” “This was fated in the stars;” blah, blah, blah.
Trust your gut on this one. If he sounds too good to be true and seems like your Knight in Shining Armor ready to sweep you off your feet, get a reality check by meeting him sooner than later. A guy with all the right lines could also just be a plain old Player telling you everything you want to hear just to get in your pants and run.
2. He only wants to text and not talk
Odds are that he’s married or in a relationship and can’t talk or a Player texting many other women at once. These guys can only text when no one is looking. Picture this: they can just jump out of bed with one woman, run to the bathroom, and shoot off a short text to another unsuspecting woman.
3. He lives across the country but acts like he didn’t know that you lived so far away
Commitment-phobics love to do the long-distance dance, because this gives them a built-in reason why you can’t see each other too much, and they can control how close you get or don’t get. Catfishers, Players, and Scam Artists, also do the long-distance thing because it allows them to manipulate you and a whole lot of other women at the same time.
4. He’s been on the site for years
Something is either big-time wrong with him, or he really just wants to play around and not stay around. This type more often than not is a Player or a hard-core Commitment-phobe.
5. He tells you he isn’t looking for anything serious, and you lie to yourself about how you’re cool with this
You tell yourself that once he gets to know you and sees what a great catch you are, he’ll change his mind. Give up the erroneous thinking that you can fix someone or change them. This guy has made a commitment to dodging a full-time pastime.
6. He’s been talking to you for months but keeps avoiding meeting you
He’s probably a professional Catfisher, and can never meet you because he isn’t anything at all like he claims to be or even who he says he is. He could also be a sex addict using you for phone sex.
7. He talks sex talk with you and you haven’t even met him
He’s showing inappropriate behavior. He’s overstepping boundaries and is either a Player or a pervert.
8. He’s really great looking, meets you, but is going away any day on business
A week later he emails you from a foreign country stating how he’s in a mess and just needs a little money to come back home to you. There are many variations of this Scam Artist trick.
9. He can only meet you during the week
Chances are he’s already in a relationship or married.
The best thing you can do to protect yourself from the new breed of internet monster men is to learn to trust your gut and to stop giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. It’s up to you to get the blinders off and go into this digital-dating arena armed with the knowledge that a lot of men on these sites aren’t who they say they are or who they pretend to be.
If something doesn’t sound kosher then it isn’t. If someone seems too good to be true, then everything he’s telling you probably is just a big, fat lie. If a man seems shady, then he is shady.
Plain and simple, don’t believe everything you read and hear, and do go in armed with a good sense of humor. What I’ve learned is this: You really can’t make this stuff up!
Cindi Sansone-Braff is a writer and relationship coach. She has previously been voted Best Psychic for five years in a row by the Long Island Press, recommended by Newsday, featured in The Sunday Daily News, and seen on Cablevision’s Neighborhood Journal.