My boyfriend travels a lot for work.
Because I work remotely, I often get to tag along with him.
This means that while he is suffering through conferences wearing a nametag and drinking tepid coffee I am wrapped in a luxurious robe, ordering room service, and working from a bed that someone else will make for me.
It is utter heaven.
But there’s something very strange about hotel rooms: Mirror placement.
this was how I discovered my uneven boobs.
Let me back up.
In almost every hotel I’ve been to with him, it’s been the same thing: the mirror is placed so that you are confronted with your own body when you are sitting on the toilet.
Surprise! It is not a flattering angle.
For the most part, I just don’t look, but on our last jaunt out of time I locked eyes with myself and noticed something totally shocking: my boobs are markedly uneven.
One, the left, is a much smaller boob. This struck me as double shocking given that my right is my dominant side.
I called my boyfriend to come inspect and he politely waited in the bedroom for me to finish my toilet business before joining me as I inspected my uneven boobs.
His motives, however, were clearly suspect.
After staring at my boobs from different angles and in different positions (I really hope no one had the room bugged) I realized that the difference was nominal, and if I thought about it, my left boob has always spilled out of my left bra cup.
How could I have gone this long without ever noticing this difference? Needless to say, noticing that I had uneven boobs led me straight to my computer, and here’s what I learned about uneven boobs all around the world.
Here’s what it really means when your boobs are uneven:
1. Growth variation is normal, even in boobs
Fun fact, it’s totally normal to have two breasts that are slightly uneven.
That’s because the body itself isn’t perfectly symmetrical. This can be annoying given that the human mind views symmetry as the key to beauty, but if you are panicked that your uneven boobs mean that you’re sick or strange, take consolation in the fact that most women’s boobs are slightly uneven to one degree or another.
2. Hormonal changes affect boobs’ symmetry
When I was developing boobs, my mom looked at me one day and said, “The left one has really popped but the other has a ways to go.” She wasn’t wrong. The hormonal changes we go through during puberty can cause one breast to develop at a faster rate than the other. So if you are still developing, that could totally be what’s up.
Fret not, you are normal, and also, I am sorry you had to read about my mom talking about my boobs like they were popcorn.
3. Cystic breasts can make for uneven boobs
Cystic, or, lumpy breasts are boobs that contain (totally benign) masses inside of them. These masses can be caused by injuries to the developing breast, and they can also be caused by a simple genetic tendency towards more fibrous breasts.
4. Uneven boobs can be a symptom of breast cancer
On rare occasions, sudden changes in your boob size could be an indicator of breast cancer. But as I said, that’s a very, very rare symptom for most women.
Still, if the change in your boob size has been dramatic and sudden, it never hurts to get checked out by a doctor.
Here’s the bottom line, if you have uneven boobs, you are joined by the vast majority of the population. Your uneven boobs don’t make you less desirable or funny looking. They are as much a part of you as any other body part and just as deserving of all the love you can muster.