By Karla Sirios
“I am still here as a friend.”
That was the last message you sent me. I didn’t reply. I didn’t see the point.
It’s funny, isn’t it? You repeatedly said that you loved me, but, in the end, you couldn’t even fight for me. Somehow, during all the years we spent together, I was the only one fighting.
I was the only one saving our relationship from failing. I was always the first one to apologize, even if it was your fault. Why? Because I loved you enough to swallow my pride.
You always thought that I could stand up for myself without you. You thought that if you left me, I’d somehow be OK in an instant.
Well, in reality, I am not that strong. On the outside, I may seem like a tough person, but I’ve always been the more dependent partner in our relationship.
Why do the people I love always seem to hurt me?
For the last three years, I’ve done everything for you. I have sacrificed opportunities because I knew that you couldn’t live without me. You needed me. Now, you’ve left me wondering if I’ve ever even mattered to you at all.
How can you soundly sleep at night knowing that you’ve made my heart hurt? I can’t accept that you have continued living without me, without us. I wish that I could just let go as easily as you did… but I can’t.
When you came into my life, I promised God that I would always cherish you and give you even more love than you asked for. I was so thankful that you entered my world.
I was hopeful that you were my forever, certain that we’d settle down and grow old together. I thought that everything I had done was enough. Heck, I went above and beyond what you required.
But still, after all I did for you, you left me.
All the promises that you made made and the memories that we shared vanished in an instant. You left without an explanation; so many unanswered questions lingered inside my head. I felt betrayed, but you instantly moved on with someone new.
I’ve repeatedly asked God how on Earth you immediately stopped loving me after we had been together for so long. You became a stranger. You became the exact opposite of the man you promised to be. You’re an entirely different person now.
At first, I couldn’t accept that you were gone. I kept hoping you’d be back one day. I thought that we’d end up together again. I’ve waited for months, but you’ve never came back.
Even after all the pain you’ve caused, though, I still love you. But it’s time to let you go. It’s time to stop reading our conversations and replaying scenes inside my head. It’s time to move on.
I strive to let go and move on with my life — without you.
I’m finally accepting that you and I doesn’t exist anymore, and we never will be together again. I know that all the plans we made together will never happen.
I’m accepting the fact that someday I’ll marry a different man, at my favorite church while my favorite song plays. I’m realizing that your eyes won’t brim with happy tears on that day, but someone else’s instead.
Someday, another man will promise me the forever that you failed to fulfill. Another man will stand up and fight for me when I feel like giving up.
He will raise me up instead of tearing me down. He’ll never leave me because he knows how it feels for someone to be left behind. I’ll meet this man at the right time, when I am fully healed and ready to love again.
I can finally say that I don’t regret meeting you, though.
When you decided to leave me, you actually led me closer to the man of my destiny. I am certain that our paths will cross again someday. No more promises and hopes, though — just us.
I hope that when that day comes, we can smile at each other again. I hope we will not regret who we became. After all, maybe everything is happening how it should be.
Maybe, we weren’t meant to meet halfway, but instead, we were meant to walk away from each other.
Karla Sirios is a contributor to Unwritten who writes on topics of love, relationships and heartbreak.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.